Tri-dentity

I ended my last post saying I would find happiness in my own identity. This is huge for me, because I really am not sure who I am. I sometimes feel like I have three different personas. One is who I spend most of my time being. This is the Britt who loves people and sharing God. She's also shy and reserved, afraid to let people in. I am this Britt around most of my friends, my classmates, my professional life.  The second Britt is more open. She lives in the Holy Spirit and pursues personal spiritual growth and formation before other things.  This Britt just appeared over the course of the last six or seven months. She comes out around a certain group of friends and in certain spiritual conversations. The third and last Britt is the most different. She is someone that only comes out in specific situations, and takes on more of a front, but does have deep roots in who I actually am. This could also be known as partier Britt. She comes out around non-Christian friends, at the bars, with my high school friends, when life feels too difficult and pressing. She can be nervous, but also more fearless than the other identities. This is the Britt that I have brought out more over the past few days, and the identity that is the focus on my pursuit of pleasure. The second identity (spiritual formation) will the focus of next month, my pursuit of devotion. And the first and main identity will be the focus of the pursuit of balance.

So I have these three identities that are definitely not whole within themselves, but also easily conflict with each other when I try to maintain all of them. That is where my overall pursuit of happiness and identity comes into play. I want to find my true identity. One that God has given me and wants me to be, while maintaining that I do live in the world. (I can't just seclude myself and live only as spiritual Britt, though some people me think so).  I do pray that I will find some sort of balance this summer and that God can be pleased with me, but not taking out the desires of my heart. I know this probably doesn't make sense, and that most people will think that God would never be pleased with the partier side of me... but that's the point of all this. Figuring that out for myself.